omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
