I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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