Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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