I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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