i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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