I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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