Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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