New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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