I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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