i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
