I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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