so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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