saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
