booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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