I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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