I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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