She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I could make wine with my vomit
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
