Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
