you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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