i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I want to fling myself into the sun
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize