either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
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