I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
