Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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