This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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