i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
