I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
