i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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