He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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