What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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