I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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