i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
