he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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