There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
