home. puking in laundry basket.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
