GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize