It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Im part way to drunk.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
