you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize