Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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