im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
