im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
