then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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