I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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