I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
