his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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