I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize