Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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