My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
