I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
