I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
