I will die if light touches me.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
