I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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