I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sorry my hands just texted you
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
