i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
