i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
