One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
