I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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