Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
