I just saw a hot homeless man
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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