you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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