Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
