oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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