You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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