if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
