hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
