yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
