Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
