Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
