you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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