Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
As shirtless as possible
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
