Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
