Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
