Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
