i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We are two peas in an std pod
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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