it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize