would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
