she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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