I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize