i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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