dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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