someone get that fucking seahorse.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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