You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
