dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
