we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
