I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
