I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
