College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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