i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
