Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
