This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i used baking grease as lip gloss
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
