Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
