Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
