I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
love makes seman taste better
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize