I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I believe in your delicious
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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