If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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