my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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