I'm going to jail i love you
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
