My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
