Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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