I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
