I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
