I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
